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By Gray Bostick

Maybe I was wrong.

Oh, I’d heard it before, many times, and laughed. “They’re spying on us thru our computers, our phones, our TVs!”

Tracking our every click and search maybe, almost certainly, with regard to every aspect of your life, in fact, but actually spying on us?

Ha! What an ego it takes to imagine you’re worthy of being spied upon, I’d think. It’s those dead presidents you’re temporarily holding onto that they’re truly interested in, not you.

The fact is this whole world is hard-wired to video and record your every move and sound, permission granted or not. That’s just how it is these days. Consider yourself seen and heard at nearly every turn.

But this eavesdropping into your life within the home is a scary prospect.

Especially when it happens to you.

You see we’re sitting around talking the other night—verbally, there’d been no Google or Amazon search, mind you, nothing electronic involved; simple human-to-human conversation about an item—when, out of the blue, a day or so later, pop-up ads start to appear similar to the subject we were merely discussing. Strange, for sure, even freaky…but just oddly coincidental, I assumed.

Now I’m not so sure.

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For while I was originally certain that my recent rant about pharmaceutical prices ( would have little impact, I have since learned that my personal savings will be more direct than expected as I discovered Monday that the high-dollar IV medicine I had been receiving would be discontinued immediately. Probably rightfully so, as I had endured a bumpy week–pardon the poor pun–dealing with rashes and headaches, vision and bone and other issues, basically allergic reactions that made delivery of that drug into a system that was already displaying a serious dislike of it a tenuous proposition.

But I’m positive that was simply the case. Absolutely certain. Without a doubt. No spying required. No voodoo web magic here, folks. Was it? Surely not. Right?

Buuuuuut….just in case I was a bit hasty in judging the fine folks over at Big Pharma–and their capabilities–last week, and maybe stepped on some toes (and also just in case they’re reading this in real-time), I’d like to clear up a few things:


Dear Big Pharma,

THANK YOU for all the wonderful advances you’ve made in the last few decades! And all the entertaining ads! I almost feel like we’ve grown up together! We’ve come so far from the sugar cube days!

Listen, things happen and I’m very sorry about what was written about you under this banner last week. It was actually written by my evil twin while I was soliciting donations on behalf of orphaned children in the war-torn Middle East, and I’d like to just take it all back for both of us if possible. Personally, I LOVE you guys! In my book, you’re the greatest folks since Louis Pasteur did that thing with the milk cows back in his day. Hair growth and boner pills for the aging men—and dang near anything for the ladies—and you’re golden, guys. Steve Jobs went tonhis grave envious of what your gang brought to market. Apple my ass…pills pay the bills. YOU keep America going strong! USA! USA! BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY!

Now, mea culpas having been offered, can I please have some life-saving meds back? Your choice which one. Honest. Anything. And I promise to only ask just this once. We all kid around at times, and he was a little stressed that night/early morning—and has a tendency to cross the line at times anyway;  so maybe cut him a break; we both pay the price when he screws up…can’t you guys help ME out; I’m the GOOD one, remember. Please?

Just think it over. You know I’ll wait…I get lots of practice doing it at…well, you already know where I spend a lot of my time. But don’t get me wrong, oh no, I enjoy being the uninvited third party to others often multiple cell calls, impromptu family reunions between hacks and coughs, and unanticipated co-operative baby-sitting duties are always fun. And I LOVE those old magazines, the ones that every sick person in town has handled and coughed upon for two or three months! (But now I’m thinking that buying stock in Purel and filter masks, and maybe ear plugs, is a good financial move….so, there ya go again, BP, helping me anew! Ain’t you the giver!)

Anyway, thank you in advance for your time and consideration. Keep up the GREAT work! I’m a fan, and I hope to hear from you soon.

Your friend and humble servant for life, as long as you will allow me to have it.

Contritely and respectfully submitted.

With love, Gray

PS: Just for your records, the polio, measles, and smallpox vaccines worked out fantastic! Mission accomplished!”


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