MARLBORO MUSINGS: Hurry! Hurry! Step right up!

Well, running mates have been chosen, the conventions are in the rear-view mirror, August is upon us, the gloves are off, and, with less than a hundred sunrises until Election Day, the 2016 Presidential Election Circus is now in full swing.

And it looks like the whole crowd is going full carnival this go ’round. Welcome to the Midway. Don’t miss the man with the nuclear tan and the fox squirrel living on his head, the man who can talk without stopping! And for just $1 more go around back to a separate tent and get a glimpse of his “YUUUGE” ego! (Kids under 12 not admitted without an adult.) Be sure to see the Pants-Suited Lady who can sometimes keep up to four of twelve plates spinning atop sticks at once while simultaneously arguing for, or against, Roe vs. Wade or same sex marriage! (Tickets must be purchased in advance; inquire about our new presidential candidate pricing structure.) Marvel at the DC Ringmaster who during live shows, with a crack of his mighty whip, can make wild beasts respond with a ”What’s for lunch today?” shrug.

I tell ya, with this bunch of clowns, it’s gonna be an interesting election process, to say the least. But in truth, to imply that this group acts like a bunch of circus comedians is to do a great disservice to hard working, floppy-shoed, bulb-nosed, clowns all across this Great United States. My apologies to the spirit of Bozo.

Nevertheless, given the digital information superhighway, which not inconsequentially now includes an on-ramp in 90% of American homes, that we now have via the Internet, in conjunction with social media which allows us to read, create, and further distribute far and wide ANY information, validated or not, that we choose to, trust me, it’s only gonna get worse, folks.

This may be one for the ages. If we survive it.

I just wish this were happening in some other country so I could laugh at the hilarity, if not the insanity, of it instead of lying awake at night wondering what this sandbox battle for the position as the most powerful individual on the planet, being fought between two people I wouldn’t loan my used Honda to, will yield for future generations.

It’s already turning into some kind of high-budget, juvenile he said/she said, “he-hit-me-first”—or better yet, “he lied first”—name calling, finger-pointing freak show. But what else should we expect from these two?

Trump? The new kid on the block, Trump roared in like a shiny, new blacked out and loaded Roush Mustang with the full aero package, all throaty and tuned to the very max, bad to the bone cool, but there seems to be a whole lot of plastic underneath, and there’s a fear you can’t shake that it’ll let you down in some manner. But it sounds so good while it’s running. Trump himself is basically just a salesman and seems to be a cross between Max Headroom (Google it, kids), Ronald Reagan, and maybe Ronald McDonald, with a dash of George Patton’s ego sprinkled on him. One thing for certain, though: He is a confident man. And some say you really only need the first three letters of that adjective to describe him. I leave that determination up to you, the reader.

Hillary, on the other hand, has the advantage—or disadvantage, whatever the case may be—of having been part of the establishment that has gotten us to where we are, good or bad, so she really can’t be new and flashy. Her I view as a solidly rebuilt old-school ’83 Buick Regal with a wicked $4000 paint job, $2500 wheels, and a $2000 sound system…but you have to open the door at the drive thru now because the driver’s window doesn’t work anymore. And in Hillary’s case, the trunk seems to be pretty full of baggage. But this gal, history’s first modern major party female presidential candidate, knows her game A to Z, forward and backward, so if you’re looking for a political expert, look no further, here’s your champ, with a half-century of experience. In fact, she strikes me as one half Margaret Thatcher, one quarter Marcia Brady wannabe, and one quarter Mako Shark—when there’s blood in the water, with a twist of Madonna thrown in for theatrical effect.

It’s sad really. In a nation of over 300 million people these two multimillionaire, self-centered, slick-talking, power hungry, egomaniacs, both of whom have low numbers with the American public when it comes to trust and likability—and both for very good and valid reasons, represent our top choices.

This is the best we could do?
Whatever. This is what the process yielded, and we are where we are. Three highly anticipated scheduled presidential debates currently lie ahead, with the first set for September 26, and the stakes could not be higher. Given the mood of the country at present, I can’t begin to imagine what the temperament the electorate will be at that point after another six weeks of the kind of rhetoric we’ve seen thus far.

All I can advise is just hang on tight, my friends. This fight is about to get down and dirty, and this flight is about to get mighty bumpy.

God help us all.

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